i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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