best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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