You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
