If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
