my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
