Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
