I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
