You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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