shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
