drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
