i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
