We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
there was a trapeze. enough said
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
