If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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