well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
jump out the window naked night went bad
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
