I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
