I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
