Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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