I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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