A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
