I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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