u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Your dad touched me again.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
