hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just cropdusted the office
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
