When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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