Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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