remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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