she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
