i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
