what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
