I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
