***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
