Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
