mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Houston, we have a squirter
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
