yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
