i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
