There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize