I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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