google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
