apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
