my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Randomize
