I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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