i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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