Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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