I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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