God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize