You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize