so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
