you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
