plz talk dirty to me
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
