It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
