There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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