Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize