does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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