Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
