with your own penis?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
