Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
