Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
