I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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