The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Panties = found
Randomize
