he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
