Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
