I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
