i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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