People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
