Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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