Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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