4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
