it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
high people should be assigned attendants
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize