Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
you made out with another girl for some wings
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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