i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize