We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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