Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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