It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
