and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Edward fifth and chaser hands
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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