I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
