why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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