At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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