Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
