Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize