when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize